Much is said about the prodigal son. A lot of time was spend discussing about him. Even after 2000 plus years, people often use him to describe mercy, grace, love, etc. But only a few sentence was dedicated to the brother. Nothing much was said about what happened after he was reprimanded for feeling jealous about the way his dad welcome his brother back.
This week forced to me rethink about a lot in my life. I'm laying out some of the most intricate, and vulnerable parts of my life here on cyber space. Perhaps by exposing it to an audience that are often silence, I might find a captive audience who could just listen and allow light to be shined in this journey that I'm going through.
Monday was spent in The Woodlands, TX where my company's HQ is. I had to present a process improvement that I led in my plant to my director, my VP and my fellow engineers. This did not affect me as much untill I heard about Brett coming back to the company. Brett left the company after being offered a significantly larger amount of pay. He left on good terms. Our company definitely took a hit when he left. I have a personal relationship with Brett and I understood why he had to leave. I enjoyed the days that we worked together eventhough we were in different plants but he was my counterpart in many ways. When he left, I took his position because the plant needed the support more than my old plant did. It was a sacrifice in a way because I was relinquishing a lot of my leadership influences to restart my career again in this new place. It was a challenge that I thoroughly enjoy and was ready for. However, as ironic as it sounds, Brett is actually coming back to replace me in my old position.
My internal battles lie mainly in the fact that I am shocked with how I'm reacting to it. I expected myself to be happy but I'm not. I can only admit that I am rather confused and disappointed with how this is laying out. But as I pray about everything, God is bringing me peace and clarity on my weaknesses. Seems like my entire blog is centered on all my struggles instead of victory. But perhaps I find my victories in disecting my struggles. I strive in overcoming my struggles and grow exponentially. I realized that I am putting my security on everything else material except God. The things that I hold dear to in the world are the things that could easily be taken away in a blink of an eye. I still find myself putting my securities in my career, my ministry, my belongings, my sense of style, my talent, my friends and all the things that I pride for. This revelation has proved that the things mentioned are like the sandy foundation that the Word talks about. I was confronted by a dear friend as I shared this with her. She is somebody that I could trust and she said to me after my venting session "Where is God in this picture? Isn't God in control of your past, present and future?(Not exactly in those words, maybe harsher)" I needed to hear that.
To be broken is to be in a state of zero use, zero control, but 100% in need of repair, improvement, growth. This week has been that. I find myself putting in 110% in all that I do that I set myself up to be vulnerable because I'm all bare. I also lose sight of some of the most important things in life....like my relationship with my brother, family and my new born nephew. I realized that if you do not put the attention into working a relationship out, it will wither off slowly and painfully. Today was a day that I had to confront my brother on a recent miscommunication which overturned a lot of past hurts and disappointment. My brother is one of the greatest person that I have in my life. But due to my neglegence, I have failed to serve him and love him as he has loved me. Whatever it is, things need to be mended. The analogy of the prodigal son's brother fits into the mold of the week that is forcing to transpose me. But God is gracious and time and time again, He reminds us that no weapon formed against us shall prosper and I can see it happening as we replantalize Valence Church. I will be blogging about that soon. Stay tune.
