Strife, Envy, Self-Glorification

1 Cor 3
"1Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. 2I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. 3You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men? 4For when one says, "I follow Paul," and another, "I follow Apollos," are you not mere men?
5What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. 6I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. 7So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. 8The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor. 9For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building. "

Carbenet Sauvignon, Bittersweet Chocolate. Some of the most opposite things were meant to go well together. This journey has not been the most smooth one despite all the "right" things that I'm trying to accomplish. Bittersweet: a word that comes close to describing this place. This place that I speak of is one that I have been in since September 2006. I have been struggling....nay...fighting the status quo of what I want to see in a church. As I'm admitting this, I'm ashamed by it because I desire to see His bride succeed in following His call. I've discovered that I have been confined by the walls of the church, defining my relationship with God based on what she says about it or how I'm doing. My pride stirs up with defensiveness when I walk into her walls these days. But indeed, it's a good place to be as I know it's the time that God himself is at work in me.

"If the process of sanctification is continuing in your life, there will be no trace of that kind of spirit (Carnality) remaining.
If the Spirit of God detects anything in you that is wrong, He doesn’t ask you to make it right; He only asks you to accept the light of truth, and then He will make it right. A child of the light will confess sin instantly and stand completely open before God. But a child of the darkness will say, "Oh, I can explain that." When the light shines and the Spirit brings conviction of sin, be a child of the light. Confess your wrongdoing, and God will deal with it. If, however, you try to vindicate yourself, you prove yourself to be a child of the darkness.
What is the proof that carnality has gone? Never deceive yourself; when carnality is gone you will know it-it is the most real thing you can imagine. And God will see to it that you have a number of opportunities to prove to yourself the miracle of His grace. The proof is in a very practical test. You will find yourself saying, "If this had happened before, I would have had the spirit of resentment!" And you will never cease to be the most amazed person on earth at what God has done for you on the inside."---Oswald Chambers

Abandonment

"God so loved the world that He gave. . ." John 3:16
A classic verse but commonly overlook especially for a self-gratified, spoiled, apparently "matured" person who was redeemed by the same verse 18 years ago. This time around it brought a whole new perspective.....a reminder of the core of Salvation and how often I take it for granted that being redeemed is about me. It's easy to use christianese within the walls of church as well as among believers, but the aim of the target is God in relationship with us.

I was challenged as I read "My utmost for His highest" by Oswald Chambers today.

" Salvation is not merely deliverance from sin, nor the experience of personal holiness; the salvation of God is deliverance out of self entirely into union with Himself. My experimental knowledge of salvation will be along the line of deliverance from sin and of personal holiness; but salvation means that the Spirit of God has brought me into touch with God's personality, and I am thrilled with something infinitely greater than myself, I am caught up into the abandonment of God.
Abandonment never produces the consciousness of its own effort, because the whole life is taken up with the One to Whom we abandon. Beware of talking about abandonment if you know nothing about it, and you will never know anything about it until you have realized that John 3:16 means that God gave Himself absolutely. In our abandonment we give ourselves over to God just as God gave Himself for us, without any calculation. The consequence of abandonment never enters into our outlook because our life is taken up with Him. "

How insignificant my prideful self is. Next to the abandonment of God to me, I can never match up to how much I can "sacrifice" for Him. I preach like I know what I'm talking about, how much I abandoned. I'm continuously humilified by my carnal nature in responding to everyday life....