End of Chapter 28, Start of Chapter 29

1981 seems like an era ago. We're speaking in terms of the 21st century now. Just when I thought 1 Tim 4:12 still applies to me, I find myself using it yesterday to encourage someone else who's in their early twenties. One can argue that 29 is still young but it's relative. Regardless of where I categorize my age in the spectrum of the lifespan, my critical concern lies in the same verse: 1 Tim 4:12 Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.

10 years ago the first part of the verse had the majority of my focus. Being the youngest of 3, the days of growing up was always defined by means of competition...fight to get into the bathroom first, fight to get the last piece of candy, fight for the affection of our parents, alas, life would not be as fun with my siblings if I never had these competitions. I love it. The drive to succeed and achieve the same platform in life as my siblings was always fueled by the first part of that verse.

As I begin this new chapter of my life, I am challenged to shift my focus to the second part of the verse: "..set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity". These are the words that the mentor exhorts young Timothy. My reflection of this verse quickly brings up active actions in my life, in Vintage Church, as a Senior Engineer at Entergy, to my band members, to my parents and family, to my girlfriend, in Valedictorian, and to my neighbors along Perrier St in Uptown, NOLA.
Paul says - "My determination is to be my utmost for His Highest." As my intellectual mentor, Oswald Chambers best put it "To get there is a question of will, not of debate nor of reasoning, but a surrender of will, an absolute and irrevocable surrender on that point. An overweening consideration for ourselves is the thing that keeps us from that decision, though we put it that we are considering others."
Regardless of the way I act to the people around me, my main focus shall be to fear only God, and to absolutely surrender any sense of shame to Him, because Christ was not ashamed of me when He was nailed on the Cross. It is so common to think that we can package Christianity into little cool packets as though Christ needs that.

My thirst for 2010 is to see the Holy Spirit move in my life and around me; that my life may be a worship unto Him, in all that I do and all that I have.

Loves like a Hurricane

Hurricane season is fast approaching. I noticed my last blog few blogs were surrounding this phenomenon that my city of New Orleans is so familiar with. Hurricanes are deemed to be a very destructive force of nature, more often than not brings panic to the city...kind of like the word "bomb" in airports. The only time I hear this word being used positively is when the denizens of the city throw what you would call "Hurricane Parties".

This word is sometimes used in songs to express overwhelming power. Today was just that. A sense of overwhelming power that swept across the floors of Vintage Church, particularly the spot where I was standing. These past few months have been living hell at work as usual for all spring outages in the power plant industry. Back to back projects were not designed for 1 person to handle. Working more than 70 hours a week has been a common theme since 2008 at this plant for me. Nuff said.

Bottomline: Where does God rank when life demands your assumingly multiple attention? Kingdom of God or Kingdom of Self?

The latter question was posed by my good friend and pastor, Rob Wilton, today at service. It was a moment of self searching again. After the message, Andrew our worship leader sand the song by John Mark McMillan that many of us have come to love (How He Loves). But somehow today, the words pierced deeper than I have ever felt.

"He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died,
And You met me between my breaking.
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony.
...They want to tell me You're cruel,
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause..."

Now the last verse about Stephen... was the whole reason behind McMillan writing the song. One night during a prayer meeting, one of his best friend, a youth pastor was praying and said, "Lord, I would give my life today if it would shake the youth of the nation. " Later that night, he died in a car accident. Nearly three years later, McMillian wrote this song. McMillian believes that God's will use this song and this story to shake the youth of the nation.

God is not contained by time. We may never see what we picture as "shake the youth of the nation", but the Spirit of God will never be bound by our mere human expectations. He is ALWAYS sovereign. "If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking. So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss, And my heart turns violently inside of my chest, I don’t have time to maintain these regrets, When I think about, the way…He loves us!"

With Everything

I find myself in the same place again, the familiar scent and taste of the rough, the funk. Listening to “With Everything” by Hillsong and reading an article on Relevantmagazine.com, I have reached this place of needing God to do the supernatural in my life. Much of my life story revolves around His faithfulness in delivering me from nonsense that honestly can’t be explained how it even got there. Approximately 5 years ago, my heart was torn and my life turned upside-down. I asked God to tear me apart, to break me down and make me the person that He wants me to be. He did exactly that. But I asked for more than I could handle. I didn’t understand why Christ would allow me to go through what I went through. In fact, I still don’t. But I have rest in the peace that through those turn of events, He has led me to where I need to be today. Today is just a regular day so the previous statement isn’t followed up by a great testimony. However, in my head, my heart, I know there’s a testimony being written, one that I may not comprehend or read until I meet my Savior.

Through these years, Christmas has been the hardest. It’s the season that everyone is supposed to be joyous because of the gifts, love and laughter. I’m not a scrooge in any sense but it is definitely a hard season to go through once again in emotional unease. The year of 2009 could be described by several distinguishable events; Huge Turbine Outage that cost well over $10Mil, New Church Plant, Traveling band, a new old house in the heart of Uptown New Orleans and 3 relationships that did not quite work out. Somehow, reflecting upon these, the obvious is that the positives outweigh the negatives. But 3 relationships? Ones that no one knows of because I’m not the type of person who likes to share a good news unless I know for sure that it’s a definite. Call it guarding my privacy, but I rather shed the light of Christ that it’s the centrality of my pride. It’s humiliating. Granted these relationships still mean a lot to me and they each dwell under my friends list on Facebook. But for the most part, the most significant downturn is the unchangeable, undeniable reason that I am who I am. So the question then leads to who am I? Is being a child of God not enough in this society? Is being a professional Engineer in a well-renown utility plant not enough? Is being a “father” to many under my leadership in Lifegroup not enough? How much more can the world ask for?

Sitting here again, I’m embracing the thought of going through yet another wintery Christmas by myself. Not physically since I do have some friends and family but thoroughly emotionally and mentally. I honestly don't give a damn because it's not about me anyway. This year has been draining for those 2 aspects of my life. But I am reminded greatly that Jesus is my God and His majesty deserves ALL my praise despite how drained or poured out I am. Life is unfair. It treated Christ the same way with it’s cruelty. In the words of Misty Edwards on how the world has tagged her, I found an inspiration, a motivation to keep crawling on these bloody knees.
“My focus is to go deep in the Word of God; live in the First Commandment, which leads to the Second; stay faithful in the place of prayer; fast more; give more; and live the Sermon-on-the-Mount lifestyle to the highest degree, even in my weakness. I know I am going to die one day, and the only real definition of who I am will come from the lips of Him who searches my heart.”

Taming the beast

Just a quick note. Gustav was not even the beast here in New Orleans (Thank God). But I do have to admit part of my adrenaline-junkie was a little disappointed. Nonetheless, I'm appreciative of us being spared from its wrath. Thanks to all who kept me and my crew in their thoughts and prayer. Ike then threaten NOLA a little but was definitely aiming for Houston. Deja Vu of Katrina and Rita.

I'm sick of talking about the storms. Looking forward to the Fall season. The weather is already cooling down and I'm loving every minute of it with my windows rolled down.

However, since the storm, there's this other beast that has emerged it's ugly head in the surface of my life. It's the beast that many would have names such as matters, situation, mood, negativity, problems, etc. I have come to learned this week that I have allowed it to define who I am and how I react to my days. The moment I allow it to dwell around for a moment, it is when I see it engulf my entire day to slug. I have to constantly renew my mind by reminding myself how great the day is and not allow it to bring me down. It's a tough feat when I'm constantly battling crap at work, relationships, my house hunting situation, and my company. It's also another dejavu of how my life was approximately a year ago. I do feel myself spread thin and I'm starting to lose sight of the quality of life.
I can vividly remember how it was like right after Katrina. Have I improved since then. Maybe. But I'm gonna fight harder against this beast. It's a matter of perspective and mind. It takes initiative. I have to intentionally desire to win over it.

This past 2 weeks' score is Edmund 0 : Beast 2. Watch for a come back for week 3. I'm about to tear it apart!!!!!

Arrival of Hurricane Gustav

What a night. It was considerably peaceful compared to Katrina. All night long, we were fighting to keep both of the large units on (1500MW Total). These units are some of the main supplier to the New Orleans Metro area. Around midnight, we were ordered to placed all units on Oil. This is because all gas lines are shut off coming in from the Gulf during hurricane threats. For an hour or so, I was helping some of the operators and maintenance personnel to swap out the gas guns with the oil guns. We managed to keep both units on.

I was awakened by the howling of the wind at about 8:30am eventhough I worked all night. But this gave me a good opportunity to capture some of the footage above. Maximum winds were approximately 110 mph in some of the heavier squalls out over the water according to our gauges. We just might have dodged the bullet. But is the worst over?