Thoughts on Travel Journalism

April 24th, 2012 - I had the honor of being asked to be on the review panel of Loyola School of Mass Communication for the 2012 graduates by Valerie Andrews, the Internship Coordinator. These students have spent countless hours in building their portfolio and I have to say that I was very impressed by Loyola's Mass Comm program. Though pleasantly surprise, I am no stranger to the caliber of Loyola Mass Comm Students. During the initial days of publishing Amelie G approximately 2 years ago, 2 interns of Amelie G were from Loyola, Angie Hernandez and Delia Howe. Both were innovative and intuitive to the fashion and publishing world, which are the key factors of Amelie G. Hernandez later assumed the role of Editor-In-Chief for The Wolf, Loyola's very own Student Periodical. 

During the panel review, I had the privilege to review 4 senior's portfolio. Each port were special in their own ways. In this post, I would like to focus in on Travel Journalism:

Travel Journalism appears to be a favorite subject amongst Journalism Majors. As data have proven, this is a very competitive area of journalism. 2 of my students were trying to figure out the best way to reach their goal of working for a Travel Magazine. Consider this: besides blogging about the recent vacation trip that you took with your parents, what makes your port stand out from others? As a publisher, when I think about port, I am not looking for just the assignment results of writing about your experience in your recent travel. Rather, I am looking for the overall travel experience that you have. Yes, you love to travel and write about the passion of your life, but the question that beckons to be answered is how do you achieve the edge in your experience? As I was pondering on this today, I drew a parallelism to my personal area of interest, fashion and design. Your experience and expertise grow over time. Perhaps it's not the easiest to land a job in Conde Nast's Traveler or Afar. What is your next option besides applying for ALL travel publications that pays your bills but yet moves you 1 step closer to your dream? 

1) Work for a vacation planning agency

Agency such as TravelCorp provide the right amount of experience for you to gain industry insiders knowledge that most journalist won't get their hands on

2) Work for an Airline or Cruise company

Sure, you went to school for Mass Comm, not Hospitality. But this viable option provides the opportunity to travel to destinations that most of your peers only wish they can afford, without breaking into your own budget

3) Work for a world-renown Hotel

Again, I understand you don't think you will do well in serving hands and feet of the annoying hotel guests, but in the big scheme of things, these are ultimately your audience. Working in a hotel will not only provide you the opportunity to move and live in another city, but it will also allow you to interact with your audience directly. The first 2 options touches on this but this option will expose you to the international crowd that will pass through your hotel. 

Note that these are not proven methods, nor will I claim that I am a travel journalism expert. But like my favorite travel journalist/broadcaster, Anthony Bourdain, he mastered his skills in culinary and has done his time to appreciate the culinary world, before traveling to see other culinary of the world. The key factor here is to become well-adverse in your area of interest that your audience look at you as the expert. Travel Journalism is a result of your experience, not the reason that you get to Travel. 

The danger of snapshot impression

I'm an advocate for data analysis. A big one at that. I don't believe in making a decision based on the current view. I always asked to go back, forward, current, and proceed to give my employees the benefit of the doubt, unless data shows otherwise.

Data don't lie, if collected accurately. For some odd reason, when it comes to managing people, I often find it hard to truly evaluate someone because proper data are still subjective feelings and emotions, even if they try to maintain professionalism and objectivity.

Regardless of my journey in managing people, I have find myself today to question the objectivity of how I'm being managed. HR law these days are pro "proven guilty until innocent". So needless to say, if you are being framed, you need to have an alibi to get you out of accusation that are incorrect.

2011, I found myself being caught in that for the first time ever supervising my group. I will spare the details of the event but the results were disappointing. I have since lost my reputation and it almost feels like the "favor" has left me. All because someone said something that was not true. Today I received my performance review and I am quite teed off by it. It seems as though that the negative incident was the main focus.

My question to the HR buffs out there, is it right to provide a PERFORMANCE evaluation based on a 1-time event? What about all the other positives and home runs that took place? Certainly someone should consider stopping the management and ask "what happened?" or "what were his obstacles?" since past data proved otherwise?

However it goes, I'm shaking this off. I thanked them for the feedback and I will work to prove, and prove to them that the snapshot impression is extremely skewed. I need to let my action speak louder than words. But quite frankly, if I could encourage any managers/bosses out there, please bat for your employees. They are your workforce that gets you to your organization's goal. Don't demasculate them based on a one-sided, one-time event, it's proposterous!

End of Chapter 28, Start of Chapter 29

1981 seems like an era ago. We're speaking in terms of the 21st century now. Just when I thought 1 Tim 4:12 still applies to me, I find myself using it yesterday to encourage someone else who's in their early twenties. One can argue that 29 is still young but it's relative. Regardless of where I categorize my age in the spectrum of the lifespan, my critical concern lies in the same verse: 1 Tim 4:12 Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.

10 years ago the first part of the verse had the majority of my focus. Being the youngest of 3, the days of growing up was always defined by means of competition...fight to get into the bathroom first, fight to get the last piece of candy, fight for the affection of our parents, alas, life would not be as fun with my siblings if I never had these competitions. I love it. The drive to succeed and achieve the same platform in life as my siblings was always fueled by the first part of that verse.

As I begin this new chapter of my life, I am challenged to shift my focus to the second part of the verse: "..set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity". These are the words that the mentor exhorts young Timothy. My reflection of this verse quickly brings up active actions in my life, in Vintage Church, as a Senior Engineer at Entergy, to my band members, to my parents and family, to my girlfriend, in Valedictorian, and to my neighbors along Perrier St in Uptown, NOLA.
Paul says - "My determination is to be my utmost for His Highest." As my intellectual mentor, Oswald Chambers best put it "To get there is a question of will, not of debate nor of reasoning, but a surrender of will, an absolute and irrevocable surrender on that point. An overweening consideration for ourselves is the thing that keeps us from that decision, though we put it that we are considering others."
Regardless of the way I act to the people around me, my main focus shall be to fear only God, and to absolutely surrender any sense of shame to Him, because Christ was not ashamed of me when He was nailed on the Cross. It is so common to think that we can package Christianity into little cool packets as though Christ needs that.

My thirst for 2010 is to see the Holy Spirit move in my life and around me; that my life may be a worship unto Him, in all that I do and all that I have.

Loves like a Hurricane

Hurricane season is fast approaching. I noticed my last blog few blogs were surrounding this phenomenon that my city of New Orleans is so familiar with. Hurricanes are deemed to be a very destructive force of nature, more often than not brings panic to the city...kind of like the word "bomb" in airports. The only time I hear this word being used positively is when the denizens of the city throw what you would call "Hurricane Parties".

This word is sometimes used in songs to express overwhelming power. Today was just that. A sense of overwhelming power that swept across the floors of Vintage Church, particularly the spot where I was standing. These past few months have been living hell at work as usual for all spring outages in the power plant industry. Back to back projects were not designed for 1 person to handle. Working more than 70 hours a week has been a common theme since 2008 at this plant for me. Nuff said.

Bottomline: Where does God rank when life demands your assumingly multiple attention? Kingdom of God or Kingdom of Self?

The latter question was posed by my good friend and pastor, Rob Wilton, today at service. It was a moment of self searching again. After the message, Andrew our worship leader sand the song by John Mark McMillan that many of us have come to love (How He Loves). But somehow today, the words pierced deeper than I have ever felt.

"He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died,
And You met me between my breaking.
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony.
...They want to tell me You're cruel,
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause..."

Now the last verse about Stephen... was the whole reason behind McMillan writing the song. One night during a prayer meeting, one of his best friend, a youth pastor was praying and said, "Lord, I would give my life today if it would shake the youth of the nation. " Later that night, he died in a car accident. Nearly three years later, McMillian wrote this song. McMillian believes that God's will use this song and this story to shake the youth of the nation.

God is not contained by time. We may never see what we picture as "shake the youth of the nation", but the Spirit of God will never be bound by our mere human expectations. He is ALWAYS sovereign. "If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking. So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss, And my heart turns violently inside of my chest, I don’t have time to maintain these regrets, When I think about, the way…He loves us!"

With Everything

I find myself in the same place again, the familiar scent and taste of the rough, the funk. Listening to “With Everything” by Hillsong and reading an article on Relevantmagazine.com, I have reached this place of needing God to do the supernatural in my life. Much of my life story revolves around His faithfulness in delivering me from nonsense that honestly can’t be explained how it even got there. Approximately 5 years ago, my heart was torn and my life turned upside-down. I asked God to tear me apart, to break me down and make me the person that He wants me to be. He did exactly that. But I asked for more than I could handle. I didn’t understand why Christ would allow me to go through what I went through. In fact, I still don’t. But I have rest in the peace that through those turn of events, He has led me to where I need to be today. Today is just a regular day so the previous statement isn’t followed up by a great testimony. However, in my head, my heart, I know there’s a testimony being written, one that I may not comprehend or read until I meet my Savior.

Through these years, Christmas has been the hardest. It’s the season that everyone is supposed to be joyous because of the gifts, love and laughter. I’m not a scrooge in any sense but it is definitely a hard season to go through once again in emotional unease. The year of 2009 could be described by several distinguishable events; Huge Turbine Outage that cost well over $10Mil, New Church Plant, Traveling band, a new old house in the heart of Uptown New Orleans and 3 relationships that did not quite work out. Somehow, reflecting upon these, the obvious is that the positives outweigh the negatives. But 3 relationships? Ones that no one knows of because I’m not the type of person who likes to share a good news unless I know for sure that it’s a definite. Call it guarding my privacy, but I rather shed the light of Christ that it’s the centrality of my pride. It’s humiliating. Granted these relationships still mean a lot to me and they each dwell under my friends list on Facebook. But for the most part, the most significant downturn is the unchangeable, undeniable reason that I am who I am. So the question then leads to who am I? Is being a child of God not enough in this society? Is being a professional Engineer in a well-renown utility plant not enough? Is being a “father” to many under my leadership in Lifegroup not enough? How much more can the world ask for?

Sitting here again, I’m embracing the thought of going through yet another wintery Christmas by myself. Not physically since I do have some friends and family but thoroughly emotionally and mentally. I honestly don't give a damn because it's not about me anyway. This year has been draining for those 2 aspects of my life. But I am reminded greatly that Jesus is my God and His majesty deserves ALL my praise despite how drained or poured out I am. Life is unfair. It treated Christ the same way with it’s cruelty. In the words of Misty Edwards on how the world has tagged her, I found an inspiration, a motivation to keep crawling on these bloody knees.
“My focus is to go deep in the Word of God; live in the First Commandment, which leads to the Second; stay faithful in the place of prayer; fast more; give more; and live the Sermon-on-the-Mount lifestyle to the highest degree, even in my weakness. I know I am going to die one day, and the only real definition of who I am will come from the lips of Him who searches my heart.”

Taming the beast

Just a quick note. Gustav was not even the beast here in New Orleans (Thank God). But I do have to admit part of my adrenaline-junkie was a little disappointed. Nonetheless, I'm appreciative of us being spared from its wrath. Thanks to all who kept me and my crew in their thoughts and prayer. Ike then threaten NOLA a little but was definitely aiming for Houston. Deja Vu of Katrina and Rita.

I'm sick of talking about the storms. Looking forward to the Fall season. The weather is already cooling down and I'm loving every minute of it with my windows rolled down.

However, since the storm, there's this other beast that has emerged it's ugly head in the surface of my life. It's the beast that many would have names such as matters, situation, mood, negativity, problems, etc. I have come to learned this week that I have allowed it to define who I am and how I react to my days. The moment I allow it to dwell around for a moment, it is when I see it engulf my entire day to slug. I have to constantly renew my mind by reminding myself how great the day is and not allow it to bring me down. It's a tough feat when I'm constantly battling crap at work, relationships, my house hunting situation, and my company. It's also another dejavu of how my life was approximately a year ago. I do feel myself spread thin and I'm starting to lose sight of the quality of life.
I can vividly remember how it was like right after Katrina. Have I improved since then. Maybe. But I'm gonna fight harder against this beast. It's a matter of perspective and mind. It takes initiative. I have to intentionally desire to win over it.

This past 2 weeks' score is Edmund 0 : Beast 2. Watch for a come back for week 3. I'm about to tear it apart!!!!!

Arrival of Hurricane Gustav

What a night. It was considerably peaceful compared to Katrina. All night long, we were fighting to keep both of the large units on (1500MW Total). These units are some of the main supplier to the New Orleans Metro area. Around midnight, we were ordered to placed all units on Oil. This is because all gas lines are shut off coming in from the Gulf during hurricane threats. For an hour or so, I was helping some of the operators and maintenance personnel to swap out the gas guns with the oil guns. We managed to keep both units on.

I was awakened by the howling of the wind at about 8:30am eventhough I worked all night. But this gave me a good opportunity to capture some of the footage above. Maximum winds were approximately 110 mph in some of the heavier squalls out over the water according to our gauges. We just might have dodged the bullet. But is the worst over?

Hurricane Gustav Pre-Landfall Sunday 8-31-08

Mandatory Evacuation as of Sunday 8-31-08. Streets were empty. Uptown felt like a Ghost Town as I rode in to work. Storm Clouds footage were taken on top of the boiler tower around 7:30PM. Started storming around 7:50PM.

Hurricane Gustav - Prediction of Cat 5

Just finished loading up the trailer along with my fellow Vintage Brethrens with water and relief supplies. They will be heading out tomorrow for the Northshore. I love the hearts of these guys. Rob Wilton, pastor and friend, after saying goodbye to his wife and newborn son who are safe in South Carolina now, only has one thing on his mind... "How can we get back in time to help out the Uptown community?" This is why I am in New Orleans with these guys. 

Just to let you guys know, I will be reporting in to my power plant at 6:30PM tomorrow and will be on duty during the storm. It is predicted to hit Monday. Mandatory evactuation has been called. Apparently this is the "Mother of all storms" according to Mayor Ray Nagin. 

I will be keeping an update through my twitter updates (SMS Text). 

Thanks for your prayers and God bless New Orleans. 

8-29-08: 3 years since Katrina

Today we remember the devastating Hurricane Katrina that tore through the city, releasing her wrath with no mercy 3 years ago. Much have been improved and you can see the relentless fight that the locals have put up. New Orleans has a rich culture that has been around for many centuries. Somehow it leaves me to wonder how did my predecessors pull it through all these years? After Katrina, many believed that it was an astronomic event that happens every 30 years. At least that was the common trend that they saw. Now 3 years since Katrina, Gustav is predicted to finish up what Katrina left. 

Have we really messed up the chemistry of Earth? Has the green house effect finally reached the peak? Will New Orleans survive another Storm the size of Katrina? Will the city fight back AGAIN? 

As always, I will be on duty at my power plant. Good ol' Entergy. This time around, I believe the leaders of the company are more prepared than before. We have all learned so much from Katrina. Hence, I would like you to know that I will be in New Orleans as we await Gustav's arrival to help keep the power on for the city, on and after the storm. Do I consider this a noble task? Truly so, but I only count myself as blessed to be the few chosen to have the opportunity to serve this city that I have been called to. I will be joining up with my brethrens from Vintage Church after the storm as soon as I am released from work to help the Uptown community with the restoration process. At least this is optimism. The optimism to fight for the city to come back. Again. 

Please pray for the Pankhurst

I was on my way back from Alexandria, North Louisiana when I received this text from a dear friend: "Please pray for my family. Our house burned down today."

About 2 days ago, Melissa text me amusingly apologizing for sending Fay's post-product to New Orleans. (She lives in Jacksonville, FL where Fay made landfall). Somehow that conversation led to me warning her to be careful with the candles as it is one of the biggest reason why some of the houses caught on fire during Katrina. We laughed at the fact that she was keeping herself occupied by burning things. Needless to say, getting that text was not funny at all.

I just received a call from her as she's buying some clothes from Walmart for tomorrow. She told me that everyone is okay, which is the most important thing. The root cause of the fire was not due to candles, thank God. A faulty electric circuit triggered this event. Nobody was home during that time except the pets, which didn't make it. The Fire department reported that it was very smoky and that luckily nobody was in the house. I don't think it's luck. I believe God to be in it. Despite being a tragic, Melissa is in a very positive spirit but she will need all the prayer and support that we can offer. God will be glorified through this tragic.

As this is happening, I am also receiving emails from work regard Gustav, a potential Cat 3 Hurricane that could make it's treacherous path towards New Orleans. We are getting ready in case Gustav does decide to hit New Orleans. The ironic part is we will be marking the 3rd year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina this Friday. God is and will still be in control.

Random Connections

I love randomly meeting people from random settings. It's like when you least expect it, that's when God brings some of the best friends into your life. At least for me, it's always a pleasant surprise. Somehow there's a level of energy that comes with randomness.... I wouldn't categorize it under coincidence because that's by chance, but rather, these meetings are more sophisticated than that.

Old Geezer

"As old as these Generators are, they are still producing megawatts. They remind me of my grandparents. Eventhough they are old and need caring, I still need to take care of them because I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them. " said David.

I work for a utility company in New Orleans call Entergy as an engineer. One of my responsibilities is managing engineering projects which usually entitles me to manage a bunch of hardcore, old school union labor workers. It's always amusing to see their reaction when they meet me for the first time due to my age and the role that I have been entrusted with. But more often than not, I always end up building a good relationship with them.

Today was just another day in one of the busiest plant in the system. We are in a middle of an outage, which means, we take one of the units down for a regular maintenance, kind of like your regular doctor visit. There were these 2 new pipefitters that joined the crew today and it was the usual orientation, tagging, job briefing, etc. Small talks were the most that came up of any of our conversation as I have been struggling to meet my deadlines with other projects. But at the end of today when I stopped by to check on their work, they brought an issue to my attention. In the midst of trying to figure out the problem and resolution, we began discussing about how old these units are. There are 5 units in the plant. All generating a total of approximately 2000MW. They were all built around the 60s.

Why did those words blurted earlier was worth mentioning? It left me a lasting impression of
1) The attitude of David towards his job
2) The attitude of David towards his aging grandparents
3) My change of attitude towards old things in life
4) The opportunity to make the best out of what is entrusted into our care

I recently had an opportunity be a part of a team that is rebuilding a century old church building call Valence Church. Our vision is to replant/revitalize the church and utilize it as a central hub to restore New Orleans for the cause of Christ. This church was founded and built in 1886. It's located right in the heart of uptown New Orleans on Magazine street. Led by one of my best friends Rob Wilton who was recently initiated as the Senior Lead Pastor of the church, our heart is to see the church being used as a place where God is loved and where people are loved. It shall not be a building or monument of history but a place where the truth is rediscovered in this unique city. We have been meeting there for the past month and God is already moving. This has been a journey that all of us are going through in faith. We do not know what will happen nor where it's going to go. But what we do know is that God has provided the farm house and has planted the seed and it's up to his people to water and harvest.

It's an exciting time of my life's journey but I'm also preparing for probably one of the biggest battle thus far. Please pray for us and write me if you are interested to find out more.

The Prodigal Son's Brother

Much is said about the prodigal son. A lot of time was spend discussing about him. Even after 2000 plus years, people often use him to describe mercy, grace, love, etc. But only a few sentence was dedicated to the brother. Nothing much was said about what happened after he was reprimanded for feeling jealous about the way his dad welcome his brother back.
This week forced to me rethink about a lot in my life. I'm laying out some of the most intricate, and vulnerable parts of my life here on cyber space. Perhaps by exposing it to an audience that are often silence, I might find a captive audience who could just listen and allow light to be shined in this journey that I'm going through.
Monday was spent in The Woodlands, TX where my company's HQ is. I had to present a process improvement that I led in my plant to my director, my VP and my fellow engineers. This did not affect me as much untill I heard about Brett coming back to the company. Brett left the company after being offered a significantly larger amount of pay. He left on good terms. Our company definitely took a hit when he left. I have a personal relationship with Brett and I understood why he had to leave. I enjoyed the days that we worked together eventhough we were in different plants but he was my counterpart in many ways. When he left, I took his position because the plant needed the support more than my old plant did. It was a sacrifice in a way because I was relinquishing a lot of my leadership influences to restart my career again in this new place. It was a challenge that I thoroughly enjoy and was ready for. However, as ironic as it sounds, Brett is actually coming back to replace me in my old position.
My internal battles lie mainly in the fact that I am shocked with how I'm reacting to it. I expected myself to be happy but I'm not. I can only admit that I am rather confused and disappointed with how this is laying out. But as I pray about everything, God is bringing me peace and clarity on my weaknesses. Seems like my entire blog is centered on all my struggles instead of victory. But perhaps I find my victories in disecting my struggles. I strive in overcoming my struggles and grow exponentially. I realized that I am putting my security on everything else material except God. The things that I hold dear to in the world are the things that could easily be taken away in a blink of an eye. I still find myself putting my securities in my career, my ministry, my belongings, my sense of style, my talent, my friends and all the things that I pride for. This revelation has proved that the things mentioned are like the sandy foundation that the Word talks about. I was confronted by a dear friend as I shared this with her. She is somebody that I could trust and she said to me after my venting session "Where is God in this picture? Isn't God in control of your past, present and future?(Not exactly in those words, maybe harsher)" I needed to hear that.
To be broken is to be in a state of zero use, zero control, but 100% in need of repair, improvement, growth. This week has been that. I find myself putting in 110% in all that I do that I set myself up to be vulnerable because I'm all bare. I also lose sight of some of the most important things in life....like my relationship with my brother, family and my new born nephew. I realized that if you do not put the attention into working a relationship out, it will wither off slowly and painfully. Today was a day that I had to confront my brother on a recent miscommunication which overturned a lot of past hurts and disappointment. My brother is one of the greatest person that I have in my life. But due to my neglegence, I have failed to serve him and love him as he has loved me. Whatever it is, things need to be mended. The analogy of the prodigal son's brother fits into the mold of the week that is forcing to transpose me. But God is gracious and time and time again, He reminds us that no weapon formed against us shall prosper and I can see it happening as we replantalize Valence Church. I will be blogging about that soon. Stay tune.

Impact My Forever

It has been almost a year since I stepped away from my youth group. Tonight was the 2nd time that I have been since then. The first time was rather shocking and odd...but encouraging nonetheless.....probably because it was nice to see a handful of familiar faces, as well as knowing that Tiff was with me so it didn't matter if the odd feeling commanded my reactions. But tonight was different. Somehow all weekend long, I have felt the tug to visit them again. It wasn't necessarily an exciting feeling. I actually dreaded the excitement...I still don't understand much of my emotions at this moment. I was alone this time. As I pulled up, I saw Ms. Lisa. It was always heart-warming to see her. In my book, although her and Mr. Alvin are not titled with any names, they have been the cornerstone of that ministry. Through all the years that I was there, they have been there before I even started. Their lives are a true reflection of sacrificial love to the passion that God has placed in their hearts.

Walking in was definitely weird. The place seemed too familiar. But yet, I did not recognize my surroundings. This notion is truly translated to the fact that nobody recognized me. It felt odd to stand behind as I look around the place, watching at least a hundred young people worshipping God. It wasn't odd to catch a glimpse of the beauty and wonder of changed lives but it was odd that I was now the stranger that these kids come up to introduce themselves. Granted, it was definitely encouraging to know that there are teenagers there now that are stepping up to lead and love.

Rachel and Sam started playing. Rachel has been my successor and I can only give thanks for what God has done in her life. She came from a broken family and church was just a sissy religion to her. The night I spent time watching the school worship band practice was when I met Rachel. You could tell that the weight of the world was on her shoulders. Her inner darkness was sticking out subtlely but obvious if you cared enough to notice. Thinking back about how far she came and the fact that I had the opportunity to witness that transformation that only the Creator God can do, leads my heart to ponder upon the mark that I have left a year ago. From a dark emotionless broken person to the passionate worship leader that she is now left me speechless and broken in the presence of the One who changed her. Now it's her turn to lead ME into the inner courts.
Then there's the other worship leader, Sam. Now I don't know Sam. But from what I noticed from these past 2 visit, he has definitely helped out a lot. But there is still a strange feeling of brokenness in me as I think about the whole picture with Sam being one of the focus. My vision before I left was to always train up worship leaders that are from the youth group themselves. In other words, I believed in youth stepping up in leadership, and with humility, to lead their peers into the inner courts. The vision may be lost but one thing I ask is for God to continue to raise young worship leaders.
Seeing the amount of excited high school students in that auditorium was a bittersweet feeling. Part of me was extremely excited about the growth but a larger part of me was battling with the confusion of a series of questions: why didn't this happen while I was here? Was I not obeying and honoring God in my sacrifice? Did I truly gave my ALL to some of these kids that are apparent in change?
As I write these questions down, I realized that I have lost focus of it all. Rather than focusing on the Creator, Savior God, who is obviously moving within that group of students, I'm focused on my contribution.....the agony of that shame is slowly ripping me apart inside. Pinch me, I'm human after all.

I'm hungry now from battling through my thoughts. But one thing is for sure, as much as I'm tempted to dive right back in to what seems to be a movement of God, I know for the the moment, my place of sacrifice is in Ignite Mission, HIMnI, Andrewogeaband and Valedictorian.
Perhaps this place that I saw tonight serves as a reminder, a dream and a testimony of the faithfulness of God.

Strife, Envy, Self-Glorification

1 Cor 3
"1Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. 2I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. 3You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men? 4For when one says, "I follow Paul," and another, "I follow Apollos," are you not mere men?
5What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. 6I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. 7So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. 8The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor. 9For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building. "

Carbenet Sauvignon, Bittersweet Chocolate. Some of the most opposite things were meant to go well together. This journey has not been the most smooth one despite all the "right" things that I'm trying to accomplish. Bittersweet: a word that comes close to describing this place. This place that I speak of is one that I have been in since September 2006. I have been struggling....nay...fighting the status quo of what I want to see in a church. As I'm admitting this, I'm ashamed by it because I desire to see His bride succeed in following His call. I've discovered that I have been confined by the walls of the church, defining my relationship with God based on what she says about it or how I'm doing. My pride stirs up with defensiveness when I walk into her walls these days. But indeed, it's a good place to be as I know it's the time that God himself is at work in me.

"If the process of sanctification is continuing in your life, there will be no trace of that kind of spirit (Carnality) remaining.
If the Spirit of God detects anything in you that is wrong, He doesn’t ask you to make it right; He only asks you to accept the light of truth, and then He will make it right. A child of the light will confess sin instantly and stand completely open before God. But a child of the darkness will say, "Oh, I can explain that." When the light shines and the Spirit brings conviction of sin, be a child of the light. Confess your wrongdoing, and God will deal with it. If, however, you try to vindicate yourself, you prove yourself to be a child of the darkness.
What is the proof that carnality has gone? Never deceive yourself; when carnality is gone you will know it-it is the most real thing you can imagine. And God will see to it that you have a number of opportunities to prove to yourself the miracle of His grace. The proof is in a very practical test. You will find yourself saying, "If this had happened before, I would have had the spirit of resentment!" And you will never cease to be the most amazed person on earth at what God has done for you on the inside."---Oswald Chambers

Abandonment

"God so loved the world that He gave. . ." John 3:16
A classic verse but commonly overlook especially for a self-gratified, spoiled, apparently "matured" person who was redeemed by the same verse 18 years ago. This time around it brought a whole new perspective.....a reminder of the core of Salvation and how often I take it for granted that being redeemed is about me. It's easy to use christianese within the walls of church as well as among believers, but the aim of the target is God in relationship with us.

I was challenged as I read "My utmost for His highest" by Oswald Chambers today.

" Salvation is not merely deliverance from sin, nor the experience of personal holiness; the salvation of God is deliverance out of self entirely into union with Himself. My experimental knowledge of salvation will be along the line of deliverance from sin and of personal holiness; but salvation means that the Spirit of God has brought me into touch with God's personality, and I am thrilled with something infinitely greater than myself, I am caught up into the abandonment of God.
Abandonment never produces the consciousness of its own effort, because the whole life is taken up with the One to Whom we abandon. Beware of talking about abandonment if you know nothing about it, and you will never know anything about it until you have realized that John 3:16 means that God gave Himself absolutely. In our abandonment we give ourselves over to God just as God gave Himself for us, without any calculation. The consequence of abandonment never enters into our outlook because our life is taken up with Him. "

How insignificant my prideful self is. Next to the abandonment of God to me, I can never match up to how much I can "sacrifice" for Him. I preach like I know what I'm talking about, how much I abandoned. I'm continuously humilified by my carnal nature in responding to everyday life....

Point Blank

It's 6pm.

I'm tired.

I'm still at work.

My desk is cluttered with paperwork.

I just came out of the 4th meeting for the day, back to back meetings since 7am.

I need to pee.
But I'd rather sit here and write a random thought of absolutely nothing.

I don't know why I titled this entry as "Point Blank" but perhaps I'm feeling a little drained and exhausted from the day. Meetings can be such a drag but yet it needs to happened. If only somebody would streamline the process. If only we can communicate with each other without having to talk. If only we can understand what the other person is thinking without even saying a word. Life would be wonderful. But that would be a sad sad world. However, it's one of those days when I feel that I have not been productive but perhaps i'm being hard on myself. It's good to know that I'm needed in a team but it's another thing to feel like hours are pissed away when more and more paperwork are stacked up on my desk. Perhaps I need to improve my work habit to accomplish more and be satisfied with my best....

Tomorrow will be another chance for me to try this all over again. For the mean time, I need to go relieve myself.

Although this entry is pretty blah, writing the most random thoughts is certainly therapeutic, yes?

Plans vs. Reality

Life has been a drag recently.

I've discovered that what I used to plan, way back during the teen years, may not necessary work out as I like it to be. Things that I told myself that I will do or not do, have all erupted into chaos right in my face. I still can't figure out what I'm talking about. Perhaps by blogging I can organize my thoughts and begin to process this frustration.

Just when you think all is plan and prepared for, a curve ball is thrown at you and you realized not even your contingency plan could have dealt with it. I find myself to stress out a lot about financial issues. As much as I say I don't care about money but the green creatures somehow finds it's way to the top of my anxiety list. Granted I know what I need to react when it comes to this, trusting in the God who provides and all, but I find that knowledge in the brain does not mean knowledge in the heart. That short span of approximately 14 inches between the heart and the brain has proven to be a lot farther in similarity than I want it to be. I find myself pondering how to plan strategically so that I can be comfortable in the near future. But even that ends up being frustrating when you find out that there are other "bills" that I'm almost obligated to carry on my shoulder that I was not aware of. Amidst the frustration, I begin to question: Questions about the zero return from all the generousity. Questions about envying the jones. Questions about really relying on God as my provider. Questions about all the sacrifices that I went throught in college. Are the really paying off?

No doubt, I am not questioning if I made the right or wrong decision because I know this is where God has led me and even if I did take a wrong turn, the progress till this point has not been in vain.

Somehow in the midst of this battle of confusion, there's a faint hope. Faint might sound negative but in this context, it's as if I've found the only relief. This place is the same place where God brought me back time and time again. A place where I realized the unimaginable, unthinkable, unfathomable love of God that overwhelms me.

See The Way by Misty Edwards:

With just one word from Your mouth were the heavens made
With just one breath from Your lips, the foundations were laid

With just one dream in Your thoughts, You have wanted me
With just one pulse of Your heart, You are wooing me

See the way He holds the stars in His hand
See the way He holds my heart
God is a Lover looking for a lover, so He fashioned me
God is a Lover looking for a lover, so He formed my heart

With just one pulse of Your heart
I'm in love!
---------------------------

As for now, I can only rest on the knowledge that I do know and depend on the faith that loves...

A Kingdom with No King

Monarchy in the 21st century. Does it exist? In the world where democracy and voting prevails, monarchy is rarely heard of or talked about anymore. Somehow, some kind of way, something interesting struck my senses tonight regarding this topic. National Geographic presented a documentary about Royalty in this day and age. My first impression was rather surprising because I thought I would just tune that off but as I gave it another second or so, I was swallowed by it. It’s been a while since I blogged some random thoughts but I would have to say this was pretty random.
There are only a handful of royal families that are reigning today. My king from my country being one of the few, I realized that might be why I was intrigued. I never quite paid much attention to that while I was growing up for the 17 years of my life while I was there. Now I’m in a country where democracy virtually found an experimental lab to create itself. As I saw the different kingdoms that were represented in the documentary that I mentioned earlier, there was some sort of feeling of pride for the kingdoms that have kings, England being one of the most famous one but the one that captivated me was Uganda. This kingdom was ruled by a king until the people decided that they need to overturn the King due to political reasons. He was attacked and was put in exile by his own people. When he saw what the ruthless ruler that overturned him did to his people, his heart broke and died 3 years since the exile. Now the interesting twist to this was that the people realized that the massacre had to end and they fought back to get the monarchy back in place. A few bloodshedding years later (Think "Hotel Rwanda"), the son of the deceased king was enthroned. He’s been ruling ever since. The people love him. He has no executive power to rule but rather was in place as a symbol of parliament. The people had security knowing that the king was alive and well even though he does not rule them directly. However, his schedule everyday is filled with charity and endorsement of cleaner water, sanitary system, education, etc. The people revered him. They are not forced to bow down but one man puts it the best “It’s like if the ground that I’m kneeling on before him was to crack open, I would want to make sure my face is at the lowest point of the pit before my king.” When was the last time you have heard of that from somebody’s mouth freely and willingly toward an authoritative figure?
What about the Kingdom of God? It reminded me of Jesus when He walked on this earth. It also brought light to the many books in the Old Testament about kings and kingdoms. It breathed life and sense into what we would blabber lightly during a typical old traditional hymn on Sunday. What does it really mean to have “every knee bow, every tongue confessed that He is Lord.” and “King of Kings and Lord of Lords.”?
Perhaps in the 21st century our desire to be independent and have our ignorant uneducated opinions about how a country should be ruled, has tainted what was meant to be sacred, revered and above all, secure in Freedom itself? Perhaps there is something truly magical about serving a king and seeing the kingdom prevail? Perhaps we were wired to yearn for a King to rule in our hearts, to have a sense of pride and wait in long hours in miserable weather with presents only for a king just to catch a glimpse of the King himself?